Beating on closed doors

I stand before the closed door, trembling with my need. Relief, beyond this door, is available but not certain. I know my need could be met. I feel it should be met. My shaking hands are the visible sign that I feel it MUST be met. My need is great, yet I fear not great enough, important enough, to deserve a response.

How many times have I stood before this same door, aching with this same need? I cannot remember. It seems that I have stood so, longing and in pain, thousands upon thousands of times. How many times has the door opened to relieve my anguished craving?  I cannot remember that, either. Surely this silent barrier must have opened, at least once, sometime in the past. Why else would I believe in its ability to open?



But surely I would remember the feeling of relief if it had ever come.

I have tried every way I know to get past this door to the source of relief. Polite requests, angry demands, silent and patient waiting, invoking pity, imploring mercy...none has turned the lock. I no longer pound my fists upon the door. Nor do I shout. Long ago, by bloodied hands and hoarse voice gave up those battles. How long will I stand here, before I stop hoping? How much effort will I expend before I admit that no amount will ever be enough?

Didn't I plan to walk away from this door? Didn't I resolve to avoid this hallway altogether? Haven't I knocked at doors that are gladly opened by those willing to meet my needs for nurture of body, mind and spirit? What is the magnetic pull of this impenetrable door? Why does its refusal to yield seem to trivialize all that I receive elsewhere?

We all have needs for human contact, love, connection and nurture, though some of us may have hidden our yearnings, even from ourselves. We have stood too long before too many closed doors -- the blank faces of those whose love we seek. One of the promises of the 7 Childhood Treasures is that you can own your needs and find those who will meet them. You can find a way to Trust and know that there are those who will meet the natural needs you have for love. And you can learn to stop standing, aching with need, before doors that refuse to open.