Giving my time, talent, and treasure in service often returns disproportionate blessings, such that I feel a bit guilty for receiving such wealth when my intention is to give. This happy version of the maxim "what goes around comes around" recently bestowed this grace upon me in the form of a timid little four-year-old boy. After hearing a fellow preschooler blurt some pretty standard age-4 "potty mouth" words, this pint-size Wise One said to me, "Those are porcupine words, right?"
In further dialog, I learned that porcupine words are words that poke: hurt, frighten, disturb, or make sad or mad. Their alternative, according to my young friend, is "teddy bear words:" words that comfort, support, affirm, or express love or connection. Nice. Elegant, simple, and clear names to help a young mind grasp the reality that our words have an impact on those to whom we speak them. At this age when the
Childhood Treasure that is the capacity for Negotiation is being developed, this porcupine/teddy bear tool is just what the Development Doctor ordered!
I've been thinking about porcupine words and teddy bear words from the framework of adult communication. By the time we reach adulthood, many of us learn that we create impact not just with our spoken words; our nonverbal communications have as great, and sometimes greater, effects. So, from which category do you draw most of your words, facial expressions, tones of voice, and gestures when you are in a state of conflict with someone you love? Are you a user of mostly porcupine words (PWs) or mostly teddy bear words (TBWs) ?
