"I did it my way"

Famous line, famous song; often repeated but little examined. What would it mean if, at the end of my life, I were to say, proud to the point of tears, that I did it "my way"?

Does it mean that I bullied and steamrolled my way over everyone else, ignoring their ways...to always get mine? Does it mean that I never compromised, never negotiated a win-win solution? Does it mean that I never listened to other ideas or to critical thinking about my ideas, or that I never sought input from a higher power?

If you're a parent reading this, you may be thinking, "That's not how I'm teaching (or how I want to be teaching) my child to behave." Or you may be remembering how your family taught you. Was their direct message ever that you should think only of yourself and act only for your own gratification, to always live "your way"?

Some of the final words of this song, "My Way," make

it clear that living "my way" is not being defined in these egotistical terms. I can hear Frank Sinatra's voice ringing in my inner ear:

"For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels."

From these words, I know that doing it "my way" is really about living, not from ego-driven irresponsibility, but from whole-hearted, all-in, fully-connected living, which requires all of the 7 Childhood Treasures, abundant and shimmering in the treasure chest of your spirit. To live in ownership of yourself, to say the things you truly feel, to never make yourself a victim to anyone else, requires all of these Treasures: Trust, Independence, Faith, Negotiation skills, the capacity for Vision, the ability to Compromise, and last but not least, the power of Acceptance.

 If you are among the happy few whose families fostered these Treasures, each one in turn as you grew from birth to 1, 1 to 2, and on to age 7, then you know what it is to live life with a full treasure chest. If you are raising a child now, you can support him as he mines, polishes, and stores these gifts that, while innate in their raw state, require outside help to be brought into the light of daily living.

Maybe you are among the millions of us whose families faltered or failed in this role of "support crew" to our little child miner-selves. As infants, toddlers, and preschoolers, we each strove to take

hold of the raw ores for these Treasures, pulling them from seams innately rising to the surface of our psyches as our development unfolded, and transform them into useful tools for adult living.

Without a supportive environment of adults who knew how to help--what tools to offer and when, how to avoid creating barriers to success--you may not have fully uncovered, or fully cut and polished, these raw ores into the beautiful, blazing-bright 7 Childhood Treasures. Without owning your own Treasures, how can you be on the "support crew" for another little miner in your life--daughter or son, grandchild, niece or nephew, or friend? How can you be a teacher, child care professional, minister, or even a good neighbor to children?

There is one way that I know:  you must admit that it's not okay to live without Trust; without passion, with no Faith in your wildest dreams; or admit that that you don't know how to create a Vision and see it through. You must admit that you need to do some mining work now and then get down to it!

It is never too late to become a person who can Trust, who knows herself as an Independent and whole begin, capable of equal relationships with others, who has the capacity for Faith in something larger than her self, who can Negotiate for what she wants while honoring others' right to get what they want. It is never too late to plan your own Vision and see it through, to learn the release required for Compromise with those whom you love, or to feel the grace of the release that comes with Acceptance of what IS, losing the need to struggle against it.

It is never too late to build the treasure chest that will let you say, at the end of your days, "I did it my way"...and nobody got hurt!

Information on upcoming workshops is now, or will soon, be available on my website.