Why say no to love?

Not long ago, I reached out to a friend to repair a breach in our relationship. Friends since 1997, we were once very close, sharing values and experiences that bonded us from our first conversation. And, oh, could we talk...! For hours on end we shared our thoughts, our dreams, our philosophies, our hopes.

But even close friends can grow apart, drift apart, or be divided by misunderstandings. When pain separates those who love each other, the path of least resistance is to let the gulf continue; silence and inaction are sufficient to maintain the status quo.

Have you ever grabbed the bootstraps of your courage to haul yourself out of that abyss of separation? Have you ever been the one who seeks to build a bridge of reconnection, or heal the unseen wounds?

When you did, were you rejected?

Imagining myself on the receiving end of a similar healing gesture, I cannot imagine saying no, unless the former friend had proven to be seriously toxic, or had betrayed me more than once and was unrepentant. Otherwise, why say no to an open hand of love?

But that is what my former friend did. I asked for the opportunity to apologize for my behavior that may have contributed to the breach, and for the opportunity to explore together how we might reconnect, finding a path to a new relationship. And she said no.

Why would anyone say no to love? Life is so short and true connection with others is so rare. Can one person have so much love and so many authentic connections that she can turn away these gifts when they are offered?

I have come to believe that I cannot say no to love . In fact, all my life choices are now distilled down to two options: love, or what I see as its opposite: fear. In every moment, life offers me this one choice. Love what is before me -- embrace it and live fully in it -- or turn away in fear. Love is the form of my yes to life's banquet. When I reject any of life's gifts, it is always from fear, though fear wears many disguises.

Love or fear. This simple formula was born of the Childhood Treasure of Acceptance. The capacity to live life as it is -- regardless of whether it meets expectations -- is the last of the 7 Childhood Treasures. Having not mined this Treasure in my own childhood, I apprentice myself to Acceptance now. It is a gentle but relentless teacher of one lesson: say yes whenever possible to that which affirms life. Embrace it; love it all.

I am bewildered by my friend's refusal of my offer to reconnect. I wonder why she would say no to love. And, still, I embrace her rejection. I love her "no" because it is what life offers me right now. In its pain, I am sure to find a gift.