Betrayal as Commerce

We've created a market for betrayal, and a whole industry has grown up to feed that market. At first bewildered by this phenomenon, I believe I now understand it. This betrayal industry thrives within the large number of so-called reality TV shows that feature a group of people treating each other rudely, calling each other names, and demonizing each other with judgement and criticism on mythic scales.

The purpose of these shows, as I understand it, is for a group of people to betray each others' basic needs for connection, community, friendship, positive affirmation, and honest input that could help them better themselves. These forms of "entertainment" commercialize the betrayal of our most essential needs in human relationships...and they are successful because there is a market for this product. Many of you want to watch other people's capacity for Trust be destroyed, so much so that you're willing to watch these highly- produced and manipulated versions of "reality."



Trust is the first of the 7 Childhood Treasures, and forms the foundation for all the others. Your capacity to trust others lays down the floor of the home in which your sense of Self dwells. That capacity developed within the first year of your life, in response to how well the adults in your life met your needs. Tragically, a large percentage of us emerge from this first year of life with a pretty shaky capacity for Trust, not because we had toxic or abusive parents, but just because parenting an infant is a tricky task that few people do well.

The outcome is that many of us walk through the doorway from infancy to toddler-hood with a minimal capacity for trust and a high expectation of betrayal. We believe that others will not meet our relationship needs and, for many of us, those expectations are fulfilled over and over as we grow up.

The industry of betrayal is sustained, I believe by the twins of bitterness and cynicism birthed by that pattern of repeated betrayals of our needs. Bitter over a lifetime of betrayals and cynical about the existence of any path out of that pattern, we relish the "show" of watching others be betrayed. We feel less alone as we witness these betrayals, dramatized for us through clever film editing and the willingness of the "stars" to make a buck and grab their 15 minutes of fame.

The wisdom of childhood offers you an alternative. The Treasure of Trust whispers, "Come away from this tragic spectacle of the slaughter of relationship needs...it's not too late to Trust." Polishing the rough ore that still lies within you, waiting to become a shining Treasure of Trust, begins with you. First, you must name the needs you have in your relationships with friends, family and other beloveds. What do you need from those you care about? Positive affirmation of your successes? Listening without judgement or fixing? Time together pursuing shared interests?

Once you name your needs, you can start down the new path of making sure you get those needs met. Once you start that journey, watching others' betrayals will lose its charm.