If he really loves me, then where is he? A close and dear friend has simply disappeared from my life. It's been weeks now since I've heard from him. We had plans and he backed out. He was grumpy and rude. He hurt my feelings. He let me down. I don't understand what happened and it hurts. I had just recently been vulnerable enough to tell him how important he is to me ... and now he's gone.
How could he do this to me???
Wait. Slow down, I tell myself. What exactly did he do? And did he do it to me? Has he really disappeared from my life? Did he really let me down? All these thoughts I'm having about him are so painful. Maybe they are hurting me more than he is hurting me.
Are these painful thoughts true? Has he disappeared from my life?
What is true is that I haven't heard from him in several weeks. And he hasn't heard from me, either. Maybe he hasn't let me down; maybe I've let him down. I don't really know why I'm not hearing from him because I haven't asked him. Is there another explanation for his silence, other than "he's disappeared?" Sure ... at least 3 or 4 that I can think of right now.
What I know is true: I miss him and I'm not sure why I haven't heard from him. Those thoughts actually don't hurt at all. A recognition of his absence and its impact, and an acknowledgement that I don't have information.... These thoughts don't have the power to hurt me. The interpretation that "he's disappeared from my life" is what's to blame for my pain, not his silence of a few weeks. He's not to blame; my story about him is the source of my pain.
Do you have any thoughts about someone else hurting you, letting you down, betraying you? Are you sure they are true? Are the stories you're telling yourself more painful than the reality of what happened?
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