Beating on closed doors

I stand before the closed door, trembling with my need. Relief, beyond this door, is available but not certain. I know my need could be met. I feel it should be met. My shaking hands are the visible sign that I feel it MUST be met. My need is great, yet I fear not great enough, important enough, to deserve a response.

How many times have I stood before this same door, aching with this same need? I cannot remember. It seems that I have stood so, longing and in pain, thousands upon thousands of times. How many times has the door opened to relieve my anguished craving?  I cannot remember that, either. Surely this silent barrier must have opened, at least once, sometime in the past. Why else would I believe in its ability to open?

Defense and Protection 101

"I should have known you'd be defensive about this." Her tone of voice seemed angry, though our cell phone connection gave me no other cues from body language or facial expression. Gee, that's funny, I think, I was just asking a clarifying question. I think you are being defensive!

Hanging the Defensive label around someone else's neck is so easy to do. In fact, it may be my most common and subtle form of defensiveness. When I dismiss your position as defensive, I dismiss its validity entirely. What if I said, instead, "Yes, s/he's being defensive...and what's the truth in what s/he's saying?"

I'm in pain and he's to blame!

If he really loves me, then where is he? A close and dear friend has simply disappeared from my life. It's been weeks now since I've heard from him. We had plans and he backed out. He was grumpy and rude. He hurt my feelings. He let me down. I don't understand what happened and it hurts. I had just recently been vulnerable enough to tell him how important he is to me ... and now he's gone.

How could he do this to me???

Cortical fiction

Friends, family members and colleagues, all day and every day, say stuff and do stuff. Sometimes I smile in gratitude. Other times I bristle with defensive anger, nod in agreement, tip my head in confusion, recoil in pain, laugh in appreciation.... I bet your life rolls along pretty much like this, too, eh? People do and say stuff and you react with thoughts and feelings, right? Maybe you express them carefully and intentionally, after a little processing time; maybe they burst out of you without much forethought; maybe you think you retain them behind a poker face, revealing nothing.

Whatever, dude. Literally.

Whatever you do or say is not about what they said or did, and vice versa. What they say and do is, likewise, not about you.

Having trouble accepting this truth? Consider the human neo-cortex for a moment. It's the culprit in this continuous human comedy.