If they'd taught procrastination in school, I would've earned an A+. I'm great at not doing anything I "should" do. In fact, I'm so talented at resisting the shoulds of life that I can go for days without doing anything at all in that realm. I've transitioned from a youthful drive to do everything I believed was required of me, all for appearances sake, to a middle-aged devotion to choice.
I worship at the altar of the future when any task that tastes even slightly of requirement appears on my plate. I embody the Scarlett O'Hara motto, "I'll think about that tomorrow." Thus, the mundane tasks that keep life moving -- dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, housecleaning, daily exercise -- can loll comfortably on the sidelines of my life, free of fear that I will attack them.
I feel compelled to assure you that my home is not a moldering, infested heap. I do have standards and sufficient financial resources to enable this benign neglect: a dishwasher in which to hide dirty dishes, and an income that allows me to outsource housecleaning, for example. Still, what is simple and almost automatic for others -- gettin' stuff done -- is one of my life challenges. Unfortunately, this challenge affects really important goals, too.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Betrayal as Commerce
We've created a market for betrayal, and a whole industry has grown up to feed that market. At first bewildered by this phenomenon, I believe I now understand it. This betrayal industry thrives within the large number of so-called reality TV shows that feature a group of people treating each other rudely, calling each other names, and demonizing each other with judgement and criticism on mythic scales.
The purpose of these shows, as I understand it, is for a group of people to betray each others' basic needs for connection, community, friendship, positive affirmation, and honest input that could help them better themselves. These forms of "entertainment" commercialize the betrayal of our most essential needs in human relationships...and they are successful because there is a market for this product. Many of you want to watch other people's capacity for Trust be destroyed, so much so that you're willing to watch these highly- produced and manipulated versions of "reality."
The purpose of these shows, as I understand it, is for a group of people to betray each others' basic needs for connection, community, friendship, positive affirmation, and honest input that could help them better themselves. These forms of "entertainment" commercialize the betrayal of our most essential needs in human relationships...and they are successful because there is a market for this product. Many of you want to watch other people's capacity for Trust be destroyed, so much so that you're willing to watch these highly- produced and manipulated versions of "reality."
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Why say no to love?
Not long ago, I reached out to a friend to repair a breach in our relationship. Friends since 1997, we were once very close, sharing values and experiences that bonded us from our first conversation. And, oh, could we talk...! For hours on end we shared our thoughts, our dreams, our philosophies, our hopes.
But even close friends can grow apart, drift apart, or be divided by misunderstandings. When pain separates those who love each other, the path of least resistance is to let the gulf continue; silence and inaction are sufficient to maintain the status quo.
Have you ever grabbed the bootstraps of your courage to haul yourself out of that abyss of separation? Have you ever been the one who seeks to build a bridge of reconnection, or heal the unseen wounds?
When you did, were you rejected?
Have you ever grabbed the bootstraps of your courage to haul yourself out of that abyss of separation? Have you ever been the one who seeks to build a bridge of reconnection, or heal the unseen wounds?
When you did, were you rejected?
Monday, September 10, 2012
Finding faith in self
Truly, I believe that the Childhood Treasure of Faith enables me to move mountains of challenges and obstacles out of my way. Experience, over and over, has proven that when I follow my Big Dream -- one that focuses on benefits to others, rather than to me, alone -- then obstacles dissolve and opportunities are born. Faith in a distant and high-impact vision of a better future, such as "I will change the way we treat children in America," generates energy and forward momentum.
Why doesn't a dream that focuses on me and what I want for myself work the same way?
Why doesn't a dream that focuses on me and what I want for myself work the same way?
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Trust and Politics
Every politician owns two attributes that are highly visible to all of us voters: her rhetoric and her record. The first holds entertainment value and can be inspirational, if the politician is a great orator. The second is the one that holds true interest for me.
Anybody can say anything he wants to about any subject. Most of the words coming out of politicians' mouths are carefully crafted "messaging" created for them by cadres of professional word smiths. The candidate's or official's actual behavior is what really matters to me. I really don't trust any of the words...until I see them become action. I listen to the words with interest; I trust the deeds.
And that's exactly how we all learned Trust as infants. Deeds, not words, can teach you Trust now, too. This first of the 7 Childhood Treasures always lies ready for development, a rough ore in your inner mine of wisdom. If you're that person who trusts nobody, or the one whose trust is betrayed over and over, I offer you a new way of seeing Trust.
Anybody can say anything he wants to about any subject. Most of the words coming out of politicians' mouths are carefully crafted "messaging" created for them by cadres of professional word smiths. The candidate's or official's actual behavior is what really matters to me. I really don't trust any of the words...until I see them become action. I listen to the words with interest; I trust the deeds.
And that's exactly how we all learned Trust as infants. Deeds, not words, can teach you Trust now, too. This first of the 7 Childhood Treasures always lies ready for development, a rough ore in your inner mine of wisdom. If you're that person who trusts nobody, or the one whose trust is betrayed over and over, I offer you a new way of seeing Trust.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Constant cravings and the cure
What you crave, whatever you crave, is not your problem. I crave food, you crave drugs, she craves risk, he craves power...it's all the same, really. Money, love, sex, shopping, gaming, gambling, alcohol, religious salvation, guidance from a "guru".... Just fill in the blank with your craving and let's move on.
Not sure whether you have a craving or what it is? Look at your check register and see how you spend your discretionary income. Better yet, look at how you spend income that you are choosing not to spend on food, shelter and other basic needs. There's your craving, swimming in a sea of your cash.
Whatever it is, this object of your addicted desire is just a substitute. If you are lucky or strong enough to, first, begin to see it as something in need of change and, then, manage to overcome your craving for it, you will likely just find an alternative to serve in its place. It's the blank that's our problem, not the substance with which we each fill it.
That blank -- that perception of yearning, yawning empty space within -- is the real, root problem.
Not sure whether you have a craving or what it is? Look at your check register and see how you spend your discretionary income. Better yet, look at how you spend income that you are choosing not to spend on food, shelter and other basic needs. There's your craving, swimming in a sea of your cash.
Whatever it is, this object of your addicted desire is just a substitute. If you are lucky or strong enough to, first, begin to see it as something in need of change and, then, manage to overcome your craving for it, you will likely just find an alternative to serve in its place. It's the blank that's our problem, not the substance with which we each fill it.
That blank -- that perception of yearning, yawning empty space within -- is the real, root problem.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Sure! You can be 2 at any age!
Everyone knows at least this one fact about child development: a
child grows up. Right? A child develops, transforms over time, and
becomes...what? Each of us developed from a child to an adult, correct?
Everyone knows that!
Actually, maybe is a more accurate answer. Some of us only developed partially. Some parts of us grew to adulthood, while others stayed young. Maybe only the body grew up, and other capacities stayed as they were at age two, or four, or six.
So, what happens when my two-year-old emotions start to run the show in my adult life? I pout and cry to manipulate you with guilt. I yell and thrash in a tantrum to manipulate you with fear (of my anger). I go silent and limp to manipulate you with abandonment.. Get the theme? I manipulate you...at least, I try.
Actually, maybe is a more accurate answer. Some of us only developed partially. Some parts of us grew to adulthood, while others stayed young. Maybe only the body grew up, and other capacities stayed as they were at age two, or four, or six.
So, what happens when my two-year-old emotions start to run the show in my adult life? I pout and cry to manipulate you with guilt. I yell and thrash in a tantrum to manipulate you with fear (of my anger). I go silent and limp to manipulate you with abandonment.. Get the theme? I manipulate you...at least, I try.