Trust and Politics

Every politician owns two attributes that are highly visible to all of us voters: her rhetoric and her record. The first holds entertainment value and can be inspirational, if the politician is a great orator. The second is the one that holds true interest for me.

Anybody can say anything he wants to about any subject. Most of the words coming out of politicians' mouths are carefully crafted "messaging" created for them by cadres of professional word smiths. The candidate's or official's actual behavior is what really matters to me. I really don't trust any of the words...until I see them become action. I listen to the words with interest; I trust the deeds.

And that's exactly how we all learned Trust as infants. Deeds, not words, can teach you Trust now, too. This first of the 7 Childhood Treasures always lies ready for development, a rough ore in your inner mine of wisdom. If you're that person who trusts nobody, or the one whose trust is betrayed over and over, I offer you a new way of seeing Trust.

With all individuals in our lives, including politicians, we develop trust for those who meet our needs. Not our needs for stuff -- objects, possessions, the trinkets of life -- but our needs for soul. Can you name three things you need from the friends, family members, and other beloveds in your life? My top three are:

1. Gently and lovingly redirect me when I'm being an idiot.
2. Give me your smile and welcoming greeting -- your positive regard -- when I come into your sight, to affirm for me that you are glad to see me.
3. Tell me I did well when I've accomplished something that is clearly meaningful to me. Yep, praise. I like, even need, praise and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

I encourage you to pause your reading now and list 3 to 6 of your needs in relationships. If you find yourself writing down a word that is open to interpretation, such as "Respect," I invite you to flesh-out the meaning. What does it look like when someone respects you? What's the behavior you want to see?

Now, who has the record in your life of meeting that need? Whose behavior is full of observed exemplars of this behavior that meets your need? Observing this simple pattern of Need Felt / Need Met is how your infant self pulled up that ore of Trust and polished it into a gemstone. Those of us with too many patterns of Need Felt / Need Unmet came out of infancy with that ore still hidden in an untapped seam of possibility.

Consider the realm of politics as an emotionally low-risk environment in which to go mining for our Trust capacity. Start by asking yourself, what do you need from your government? I would say my top three needs are a safe community, an educated citizenry and an opportunity to earn a living wage. Yours may be different; maybe quality roadways or rail transport tops your list.

Once we have our respective lists, all we must do is look at a given politician's voting records, the deals made with lobbyists and big donors, and the compromises executed with members of the other party. And yes, that requires some fact checking to get past all the rhetoric!

Building trust in politicians and the political process is really as simple as that. And building trust in your friends and loved ones is also as simple as that. Who can you trust for what behavior, based on past examples?

The real challenge, in both cases, is to stop trusting people to deliver behavior they've never or rarely exhibited before.