Issue Queen

I have become this...The Issue Queen. Or, at least, AN issue queen.

If you're a regular reader, you may remember that I recently started working with a new healer, whose work opened my eyes wide for a deeper understanding of trigger management (read "Waking from Nightmares"). I did hear this doc say on my first visit that we'd be finding some "issues in my tissues." I thought it was a great phrase, a good brand for his work, but didn't realize the full implications. This healing is calling upon my entire chest of Childhood Treasures!

Turns out that I have signed up for a pretty intense peeling of my personal onion, requiring me to find Trust for this new healer. Some of these issues we're waking up are very familiar, yet I've kept the reality of them at a distance for so long, I stopped seeing them as problems. Yeah, sure, I thought.... I've got issues; no big deal. Yes, I have triggers; no big deal. You know...I manage my reactivity.

Well, HA! and double HA! HA! 
The good doctor's work shouts at me, "MISSY, wake UP!!! You have TRIGGERS like angry bees trapped in a hive and they are taking up WAY too much of your time. GET IT?????" Just clarifying:  the doc is not shouting at me...the impact of his treatment has the megaphone. My awareness of my boundaries, my Treasure of Independence is what keeps me from confusing the doc with his results!

LOUD, this wake up call. In my face, shaking it's fist, spittle flying off its lips onto my cheeks. The issues are coming out of my tissues with big, stomping feet, yelling at the top of their lungs, crashing about in my life. Sheesh. Kinda dramatic.

Okay, I understand the need for extravagant expression. I am, after all, a master at minimizing the importance of my issues. I have told myself and the world for years--a couple of decades now--that "I've got this!" Yeah, well...I did, to a certain extent. I just had no idea how deeply into my tissues these dang issues were rooted!

Okay, so now I have stumbled from awareness of trigger management as a time-sucking part-time job, to the awareness of the next issue in my tissue:  the ever-present need to "do it right," whatever the "it" is. Anybody else resonate with this? This issue and its kin (come on out, there, you little "need to be right!" and, you...I see you hiding over there, "need to belong") are aware that they've been targeted. I feel their slender, nearly-transparent tentacles wiggling in my tissues, deep tendrils with hooks on the tips for hanging on. They're fidgeting with worry over a lack of security, having seen how quickly I kicked to the curb that whole trigger mess.

I've written before about feeling a kind of "muscularmor," like a frozen exoskeleton created by the physical traumas of my childhood. These issues in the tissues seem to be the deeper truth of that frozen structure. Surprise! Its not a crust on the outside; it's within, embedded. The issues have taken the place of the tissues; replaced muscle fiber, sinew, blood vessels, fat cells, and whole organs. I thought this defensive posture was a sort of carapace of tension I could throw off with enough yoga and massage. Now I know, this removal job is more like weeding a pea patch where the Johnson Grass stems outnumber the peas about 100 to 1, the weeds so dense as to render the healthy little pea shoots almost invisible.

Do you ever have this sense, that some parts of your body have been replaced, in part, by trauma and drama? There...where supple muscle should be, there seem to be steel bands. Where the big, swelling bellows of two fat, pink lungs should be, there's a couple of half-shriveled, barely-moving panters that have nearly forgotten what its like to breathe fully and without hesitation.

What are the issues in your tissues? Where are they ? Most importantly, what are you doing to root them out? Because I am 150% clear that this is not the way it's supposed to be! And my Treasure of Faith allows me to believe in the Big Dream of a life in which I have released all the after-shocks of my childhood traumas.

I remember, back in my 30s, when my therapist and I tackled these same issues:  triggers and, oh, yes!, the need to do it ALL "right." (That one was a ticket I believed I had to punch daily, to continuing deserving a seat on the Life Train.) She was a truly great therapist and I think we must have whacked down a forest of above-ground growth from these deep roots. I apparently hung onto the underground remnants until I was ready to let them go.

And I am ready. Oh, believe me I am SO ready! Some recent new mining and polishing, especially of the Treasure of Acceptance, readied me for these releases.

It's funny, really. For more than 15 years, I've been focused on reaching a state of wholeness and, until now, hadn't understood the incredible potential for the Swiss cheese-like state of my interior self. When we finish pulling all these issues from my tissues, what will fill those mighty gaps, with nothing but wind whistling through them?

Right now, I envision a gentle, silky stream of pure water flowing into those spaces. I feel it bubbling up from the Source within, that bottomless spring of Love that is the Divine essence of me. All my tissues, bathed in this delicious, soothing, and sating liquid, will rejuvenate and replicate their own cells to fill those big gaps left by departing issues.

Love that. Reminds me of my dear friend Joan, a singer/songwriter who, right before the ovarian cancer took her, recorded on a last CD, "I'm digging way down, down, to the bottom of my soul.... There's clear water running through me." After the boost of a blood transfusion, she belted out this Libby Roderick song in a single take, just seven days before she died. Thanks for the reminder, Joan.

Bye-bye, issues. I'm shifting jobs to be the Tissue Queen! Anybody care to join me?

The website is being upgraded, so is currently out of date, with apologies. Please keep checking Dr. Scott's calendar of events for details on a weekend intensive in St. Louis being planned for this fall. You won't want to miss Live a Sovereign Life with the 7 Childhood Treasures. Dr. Scott expects her book of the same title to be published in 2017.