The Kiss that Kills: Love that Builds Immunity

I read something fascinating this morning. Lauren Sompayrac, author of How The Immune System Works,  says that, when a mother kisses her baby, she picks up a sample of that special baby-grubbiness soup that is on the baby's skin--that special mix of everything the baby's been in contact with since her last bath. Then, Mom's immune system analyzes for pathogens her sample of whatever Baby has been rolling or crawling around in, and the next day Mom produces breast milk specially tailored to kill whatever little nastiness was brewing up on Baby's face.

Babies crawl around in filthy environments (even the ones that look clean to us aren't all that pristine!), pick up anything that catches their attention, and put everything they meet into their mouths. Even the most helicopter-ish of parents can't be watching EVERY moment. And babies' immune systems are not fully developed, so this pattern of casual access to potentially harmful bacteria has found a good match in a breastfeeding Mom who kisses her baby's face regularly.

What really fascinates me about this little miracle of Nature's artful design and maintenance of us little short-lived organisms called humans is the great 7 Childhood Treasures metaphor it suggests. For there is another way that the love embodied by a kiss can kill something else that can harm our children.

Every kiss is an expression of love. It is a message that "You are connected to me and I am connected to you." That light, soft press of lips to the cheek, chin, nose, forehead, or lips of a child speaks volumes, in fact:

• You are not alone.
• I will protect you.
• You are perfect, just the way you are.
• You matter; you have value.
• I love you, come what may.

And each kiss, each expression of connection and love from a parent, other family member, or teacher, strengthens the immunity of a child to so many diseases of the human heart: being a victim; victimizing others; loneliness; cold-hearted, selfish obsession with consumer gluttony; fear as a lifestyle; Compassion Deficit Disorder.... All these pathogens that attack the emotional body are held at bay by that grand immune-suppressant, Empathy. And empathy is nurtured whenever we receive love or are a witness to its exchange between others.

Within the first two years of your life, you may have gained two important assets that are very valuable now in your adult life. First, you could have learned that other human beings are supportive resources who can be trusted. Second, you could have learned that, though they hold different thoughts, feelings, and dreams or desires, other human beings are, at their most essential core, the same as you. We are all One and we are each unique. (If you have trouble with this one, look up the definition of a paradox; this is one of those.)

Every kiss from a loving adult in your life--every expression of true love that honored the infant or toddler you were, just as you were--built your immunity to any attempts to manipulate you with weapons like guilt, belittling criticism, ostracizing from community, or threats of violence. If you were completely loved for who you were, unconditionally, then you grew into someone who could snap her fingers in the face of such paltry attempts to erase your value and sovereignty as a living being. "Hah!," you say, to those who try to control you by making you think you are less than who you are. "Bah, and Humbug to you, sir or madam!," you say. And those who wield these weapons are blown effortlessly out of your path by the flowing power that is your Breath of Life.

And what if you were not given these daily doses of emotional immunity in your youngest years? What if your diagnosis at present is one of these: Victim, Victimizer, Loner, Cold and Selfish Consumer, Fearful Hermit, Compassion-less Hater.... Well, it is not too late for you, my friend. You can re-parent yourself, starting any day you choose to. You can give yourself, and actively seek out others who can give you these messages of love:

• You are connected to me and I am connected to you. 
• You are not alone.
• I will protect you.
• You are perfect, just the way you are.
• You matter; you have value.
• I love you, come what may.

You can learn now that other human beings are supportive resources who can be trusted. You can learn now that, though different from you, other human beings are, in every important way, the same as you. Do you want to start today? Try one of these sample exercises from the 7 Childhood Treasures. It's my gift to you at this season of holidays that bless the Light within us and all around us.

So, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Good Yule, and Heri za Kwanzaa to you all!

Rachel Stafford's moving post, "The Bully Too Close To Home," - See more at: http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-button-pushing/20131212/steps-to-being-less-harsh-on-our-kids#sthash.LHUpj36P.dpuf

Rachel Stafford's moving post, "The Bully Too Close To Home," - See more at: http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-button-pushing/20131212/steps-to-being-less-harsh-on-our-kids#sthash.LHUpj36P.dpuf

Rachel Stafford's moving post, "The Bully Too Close To Home," - See more at: http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-button-pushing/20131212/steps-to-being-less-harsh-on-our-kids#sthash.LHUpj36P.dpuf