You’ve all heard, no doubt, what happens to us humans when our survival
response is triggered. Yes? The most-often-repeated version is “fight or
flight.” Psychologists like me, along with many others outside that field, know there
is a third instinct in the face of fear:
freeze. Fight the perceived attacker, run away, or become immobile,
incapable of response, shut down. (See the lizard named Beans in the movie
Rango for a classic example.) Those are the three options available when, in
the face of perceived threat, the most primitive, reactive part of the brain
takes the steering wheel on this ride we call life. Some of us have a strong "preference" for one; others of us make use of any of the three, depending on the situation.
I’ve become convinced that there is another alternative, one that blends the 7 Childhood Treasures of Trust and Independence. But before I tell you what it is, a word about the perceived threat or attacker. Before
I can climb up from the depths of my reptile brain’s forced three-way choice,
first I have to adjust to accept one hard fact. That is: whatever drives me out of my huge and hugely logical
neo-cortex, and into the gut-instinct to become invisible, flee, or defend…well,
it may not be an actual threat or an actual attacker at all.
I’ve written of this uncomfortable truth before…that your reality is
unique to you. Your belief that some person or situation is a threat to your
safety is just that—a belief. It often derives, not from an actual circumstance
of danger in front of you, but from a subconscious tour taken by your experience
of that circumstance. Your incoming sensory perceptions—sights, sounds, smells,
tastes, textures—register a little snapshot of events in front of you. That multi-sensory
image then takes a little stroll through a few filters in your neural network,
created by early childhood experiences
